HIGHLY-MOTIVATED SPIRITS THRASH MEDIA XI - Match Report by skipper Mike Mehaffey
It was the nearest thing to a perfect performance since Paul and Sandeep last sang "I love you baby" on an open mike.
There were perfunctory fines after the match, but these were merely for form's sake. The errors that were committed were of little consequence; a catch here, a wide there, a run out. It was a consummate performance, with a bit from everyone and a lot from a couple of stars.
Why we hear you ask? Perhaps the answer lies in the pre-match planning.
During the week, the skipper (Mehaffey) cunningly contacted the opposition and informed them we had the weakest side since the the boyz were on the weekend piss. They weren't to know this guzzling activity is a regular occurrence, and were lulled into a false sense of security. Then, the skipper negotiated a prize fund, with the losers to buy $100 worth of beer. It may well be the way forward for Spirits; free beer appears to be a powerful incentive.
A 30-over match was arranged, split into two innings each with the batting order to be reversed. "A hundred and twenty is about the norm," said Sist authoritatively and the Spirits -- never ones to do things to excess -- obliged with 117. Read the $19 iPad application for the scores and you'll see that all who got the chance made some sort of contribution; Rammy in particular starred with a hard-hit 37 against some handy bowling.
From there the Media XI were never in the hunt. In a performance as tight as the Amar/Sandip grasp of a singer's arse, we squeezed the Media XI out of the game. Remember this is a 15-over innings with 11 batsmen allowed to bat. The bowling stats speak for themselves; read the run rates and quote them to your grandchildren (except the skipper's of course as he in a moment of madness had his first-ever bowl for the club).
It was exemplary, disciplined stuff, highlighted by the first of the standout performances. Mahesh, of the M variety, bowled a patchy first over then seduced the classy Media Shahid into his first false stroke, to be caught at the wicket by Sist.
But wait, there's more. Media Veeru came in (ignore the scorecard, the media guys have no grasp of these things, they completely cocked up the names which is possibly why they are all called Media) to be completely befuddled and stumped. Another assist to Sist if you like. Trying saying that with a belly full of free beer.
Still, there's more. For the full $19.90 steak knife and iPad application Media Jaymit failed to get anywhere the next delivery and Mahesh had his first-ever hat-trick. Fittingly he was later awarded the ball. Someone, somewhere please arrange for it to be suitably mounted, in the most proper sense.
With a lead of 38 many sides might have relaxed, but not this highly motivated outfit. The G-Man came out firing, clearly with free beer in mind, and slapped a hearty 55 in just 30 balls. So fired up was he that he slapped one delivery into his chin, to leave parts of the pitch a curious mix of red and green. Both were serious knocks. Painkillers, with ice, shaken not stirred, were called for, however, and he survived.
Read the iPad app again for the rest of the innings details and you'll see that everyone got a few, to the tune of 135 in 15 overs. That meant the Media XI needed 174 off their second 15 and when Charl and Laksh produced six overs of immaculate seam and swing, the hacks were, like the newspaper industry, basically screwed.
There is little else to report, save for one further incident. Cricket, as you know, is a funny game. One moment you're on top of the world, the next you're in the gutter. There is no way to do justice to the following. You had to be there. Mahesh, he of the hat-trick fame, misfielded on the IA-side boundary, slipped and disappeared completely into the ditch.
It was as near as Spirits had to disaster all day. Not Mahesh, he was fine, but it was touch and go whether Shubham would expire from laughter and he was not alone. A splendid way to end a splendid match.
So, finally, the man-of-the-match award has been dispensed with this week. Instead we have chosen an alternative approach. Accordingly the golf medal goes (narrowly) to Mahesh M, as much for his ditch trick as his hat-trick, ahead of the G-Man with silver for a bloody good all-round performance, with Rammy securing the bronze for his first-innings only contributions with bat and ball.
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